hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
