Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
