He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
