sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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