If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's like iHOP with fire
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He shit in the fireplace
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
