So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's shark week go big or go home
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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