i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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