the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sarcasm needs its own font
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
