at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
