is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
