Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
