I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
