He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
