Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
