Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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