That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
