I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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