Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
