I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
