i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
this hospital has no fireball
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
