I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
