Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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