And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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