I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think my mom watched the whole time
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
