people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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