This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
love makes seman taste better
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
