There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
