I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
