Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
