I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
