You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
