I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
