omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just want nice things and good sex
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
