saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
