It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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