Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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