I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize