I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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