butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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