i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
