everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
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We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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