Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
