I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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