Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize