so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im holly from the hills drunk
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
