I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She's the barista slut.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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