guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
