I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
