Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
