i need an iv and a liver transplant
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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