I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
