I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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