I cockslap morals
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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