How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Vodka?
Forever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
