New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I party with great urgency now.
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