Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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