I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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