I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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