So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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