Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
