I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
