Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
