Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize