I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
