Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
