i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
