i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I cannot find my penis.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize