After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
