Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
