just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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