Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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