The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
