I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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