I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
