actually, I'm a sock model
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
