I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
