Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
