just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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