Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
