Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize