I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
