doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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